Wednesday, July 27, 2016

New Segment: Survival Tips for the Election Season

Woke up to my neighbor yelling at the countless greyhounds she's rehabilitating (literally, greyhounds are hard to count). She yelled two warnings, "Don't pee on anybody! And, Mary, you better not go looking for poop." Presumably, she means poop to eat. Mary is your tragic -- but you'd be surprised how common it is -- poop eater. 
Right now, you're thinking, "What does this have to do with the election, Baggott?"
Rules to live by.
1. When arguing politics, don't pee on others. You might be thinking that it makes you superior to them, dominant, but actually it's just rude. It makes them not want to listen to you.
2. The world (in particular the internet) offers a lot poop. You don't go looking for it. Don't eat it. Be kind to yourself.
And thus ends the first (and maybe only) segment of Survival Tips for the Election Season.
You're welcome.