Tuesday, August 30, 2011

You're Showing Your Age If ...

Okay. I was a teenager in the 80s to early 90s era. And I've figured out that certain things are tip-offs that I'm showing my age.

Here's the abridged list.

1. You confess you used to sign off your letters to your first boyfriend "I'll stop the world and melt with you..."

2. You reference Civil Defense Drills in school instead of being on Lock Down for a School Shooter.

3. When playing a video game, you get yelled at for constantly saying, "Which one am I?"

4. You still kind of believe that love is best expressed by a mixed tape.

5. You want to tell people in low-rise flare-legged jeans that they look like Fred from Scoobie Doo.

6. You're kind of happy that one of your pregnancies coincided with the rise (and, later, tragic fall) of overalls.

7. Your kids beg you not to use the phrase "all up in my grill" because it's "so wrong."

8. You can't quite feel honest with yourself if you deny the fact that John Hughes films had a great impact on your development of self.

9. You remember a world before the word "geek" had been reframed to mean cool.

10. You consistently say Steve McQueen when you mean Alexander McQueen.

11. You're secretly kind of cocky because you're on fewer daily meds than a lot of your friends.

12. You tell your kids about Blythe Danner whenever Gweneth is on screen; Goldie Hawn whenever Kate Hudson is on screen; Rosemary Cloony when George Cloony is on screen; and are more likely to mention Eric Roberts than Emma when Julia is on screen.

13. You confuse PS2 and P90X.

14. You mention that once upon a time the fact that Sally (from When Harry Met Sally) usually drank bottled water was a sign of her hyper-neurotic nature.

15. You mention that you grew up pre-Purell, raised by an OCD germaphobe prototype and now that everyone is an OCD germaphobe (and the Purell flows as freely as post-prohibition gin) you feel like you've been robbed of something.

16. You're kind of proud that you were raised before BABY ON BOARD stickers, back when no one gave a shit.

17. You hear the song Le Freak and feel a deep desire to reverse roller skate.

18. You say things like, "Back in the old days, being a celebrity meant you'd accomplished something!"

19. You reference Jason Bateman's "early work" in The Hogan Family series.

20. Your best stories now rely on the parenthetical (This was back before cell phones.)

(And, most of all, you make lists like this.)