Saturday, August 27, 2011

An Apology from California & Florida to the Northeast

Dear Northeast,

We realize that there has been a major breech of contract here, and we feel really awful about it. First of all, as you know, many of us left the northeast for sunnier climates, and we knew the deal -- we accept the possibilities of hurricanes in Florida and earthquakes in California as a trade off for not having to scrape our windows with the edges of coffee mugs because we can't find our ice scraper, for not having to bundle our offspring in puffy paralyzing outerwear, for not having to have a close relationship with fleece.

But, um, this month there seems to be some kind of regrettable clerical error, a bureaucratic snafu -- and one that makes us very, very nervous. At first glance it might seem like we're getting away with something. I mean, is it likely we'll get snow this winter? No. But to know weather is to know it's unpredictable nature. I'm pretty sure we'll get our comeuppance. In fact, here on Gulf Coast of Florida, we can feel it in the thick hot sunny air -- a cicada-screaming doom.

And so, brothers and sisters, hang in there with your battery-operated flashlights and bathtubs filled with water and your cash.

We're thinking of you.

Sincerely,

California and Florida