Tuesday, May 10, 2011

The Brutal Q and A for Mothers

Yesterday, I posted the Alternate (Brutal) Q and A -- for writers .
A friend of mine, Rachel Mathis, wrote me an email that simply said,
I couldn't help but substitute mother for writer in all of these questions . . ."
I reread it. It became really brutal indeed and twisted, disturbing, and political.
So here is the Alternate (Brutal) Q and A -- for MOTHERS.

(A dark little footnote to Mother's Day.)

Dear Mother :

Where do you get your stupidest mothering ideas?

Did you consider becoming a mother settling because you really wanted to be something else -- something better or more useful to society?

Tell us about your failed projects.

Have you ever thrown a punch because of criticism? If not, have you at least mentally prepared long elaborate speeches hand-tailored for specific critics? Where do you do this mental work? In the shower? Long car rides?

Do you believe, deep down, that you're pretty much a fraud?

What are you compensating for -- most deeply?

On a typical day, how much of your mothering time is dedicated to feeling like a failure? Would you say that this is an essential part of your creative process?

Which other mothers do you consider to be wearing the Emperor's New Clothes? Who is completely overrated? What classic mothers held up by society really blow?

Seriously, looking back, would you go into something else?

If a slow mother -- one who takes a good ten years to make a kid -- do you think it's all about crafting the exact right nurturing or are you just kind of lazy?

If a fast mother -- do you get really bored with who you're raising and therefore speed up just to get through it?

Do you think being a mother has, in some ways, made you sharp-tongued and self-centered, in a way that would embarrass your own mother?

Do you think that your mothering life has sabotaged more than a few of your relationships?

Have you ever cried on the way home from a Ladies' Book Club where they got a little drunk and caustic? Did it hurt your weedle feelings?

In what ways do you think mothering will lead to your early demise?

Thank you for your time! No rush on these answers!

All my best,

et cetera.