Monday, May 9, 2011

The Alternate (Brutal?) Q and A

Here is the Alternate (Brutal) Q and A .
Readers & Writers -- do prefer this set of questions or what? Any to add? Cough 'em up.)

Dear Author:

Where do you get your stupidest ideas?

Did you consider becoming a writer settling because you really wanted to be something else -- something better or more useful to society?

Tell us about your failed projects.

Have you ever thrown a punch because of criticism? If not, have you at least mentally prepared long elaborate speeches hand-tailored for specific critics? Where do you do this mental work? In the shower? Long car rides?

Do you believe, deep down, that you're pretty much a fraud?

What are you compensating for -- most deeply?

On a typical day, how much of your writing time is dedicated to feeling like a failure? Would you say that this is an essential part of your creative process?

What books/other authors do you consider to be wearing the Emperor's New Clothes? Who is completely overrated? What classics really blow?

Seriously, looking back, would you go into something else?

If a slow writer -- one who takes a good ten years to write a book -- do you think it's all about crafting the exact right sentence or are you just kind of lazy?

If a fast writer -- do you get really bored of what you're writing and therefore speed up just to get through it?

Do you think being a writer has, in some ways, made you sharp-tongued and self-centered, in a way that would embarrass your mother?

Do you think that your writing life has sabotaged more than a few of your relationships?

Have you ever cried on the way home from a Ladies' Book Club where they got a little drunk and caustic? Did it hurt your weedle feelings?

Have you read the new studies on sitting and how it shaves years off your life? In what ways do you think writing will lead to your early demise?

Thank you for your time! No rush on these answers!

All my best,

et cetera.