Sunday, April 3, 2011

Happy Random-Quotes Sunday

"You know what offends me? Flossing your teeth and then getting floss stuck in your teeth," I say to my 14 year old. "There should be a term for that."

"Irony?" he says flatly.

I walked into the kitchen and found the eleven year old on the counter, clapping at a noodle stuck to the ceiling about to unpeel itself and fall into the gaping mouth of the patient three-year-old below.

"What in the world?"

"Wait! Wait! Sooo close! Sooo close!"


My 16-year-old lifts the 4-year-old over her head and says, "I think this could be a really beautiful scene in a movie."

I say, "Yeah, it already is. It's a very famous scene in Roots."

"Oh, I was thinking of the movie where that guy holds the boom box over his head."

"John Cusack in Say Anything?" I shake my head. "Wow. That feels like a parental failure."

"What? I thought you loved that movie with the boom box. You thought it was beautiful, right? Didn't you?"

Woe unto us.



Last week, I wrote a letter to an English teacher, using the words "grammatically impaired" to describe one of my offspring.

After I give a little speech about being more sympathetic to refs, my 11-year-old soccer player says, "During the middle of an intense game, I'm not going to stop and wonder if the ref grew up with an abusive father!"


Kid walks out of the bathroom. "Did you wash your hands and flush the toilet?"

He puts his hands in his pockets.

Dave says, "Putting your hands in your pockets isn't the same as washing them."

I say to Dave, "When you move to a swamp, you should be guaranteed -- contractually upon arrival -- that you never have to buy a humidifier."


The almost 4 year old looks at a new mini-Barbie and says, "This one hasn't had any surgeries done on her face in a long time."

After the hippie photo shoot, I say to the neighbor, "I had a lot more hippie outfits to choose from than I thought."

"No kidding."

"It was the earth-toned muu-muu from last summer that made you say that. Wasn't it?"

She raises her eyebrow as if to say, Honey, it wasn't just the earth-toned muu muu.