Tuesday, February 15, 2011

Dave On Adderall

[Warning: Not Pretty]

The day starts out well. He ticks a ton of shit off his list. He chokes down lunch. He talks very quickly to our assistant who now does a great impersonation of Dave on Aderall.

By midday, he looks a little pale. "My stream," he says, "I'm not peeing like a man." He downward spirals with fears about his manhood, in general. His manhood, turns out, is fine, but still, no one needs that kind of fear. He once bailed on a triathlon in the middle of the bike portion because he'd gone numb and refused to get back on the bike.

By evening, he says, "I'm going to throw up." He's pale, having had the most productive day of his life. He goes to sleep. He wakes up an hour later, buzzing with energy.

He calls his doctor the next day. "What the hell happened?"

By mid-day, he pees right, and then out of sheer joy, he falls asleep.