Friday, May 14, 2010

Things I said to my Mother Today.

1. One of the kids has strep throat so we all had to get swabbed. My mother, on the hypochondrial side of life, took us to get swabbed all the time. This morning, I did an impersonation of my childhood for her: gagging noises. She apologized. I said, "Yeah, but I don't have a weakened heart due to undiagnosed strep!" "So true!"

2. My three-year-old son is a girl today, pretending to be his old babysitter. "It's a two pocketbook morning."

3. My husband headed out of town last weekend for a soccer tournie. My mom asked where he went. "Where he always goes," I said, but it dawned on me that I don't know where this is. So I asked him, "Where do you always go?" And he said Orlando. And I said, "Yeah, but if I tell the cops 'Orlando,' they might want more info." "The cops?" "Yeah, when they only find one of your legs in a swamp or something." Accepting this as a reasonable scenario, he said, "It's called Buena Vista, I think." I said, "No, that's where George Costanza's parents wanted to buy a condo next to the Seinfelds."

4. My mother asked how we survived without my husband. (In our household, Dave is the stay at home person who does everything ... I mean: I still have to stare at the dryer for a long time to figure out how to turn it on.) I said, "Well, it's like suburban survivor. Like the electricity's gone out and we only have sticks for tools, but all that's really expected of us is to survive. So it's not too bad."